I’m hosting my granddaughter’s bridal luncheon today, so I’ve spent the past week reviewing my list, shopping, washing the china, and doing everything to be the perfect hostess. And then yesterday, I was confronted with the possibility of surgery. Hmmm. Maybe I’m not in control after all.
My thoughts took me back to this post from 2022, and after reading my own words, I plan to republish it every year. The content is way too important for those whose troubles are much more serious than mine and whose responses are far different.
Spiritual pride is the illusion that we can run our own lives, achieve our self-worth, and find a purpose big enough to give us meaning in life without God. – Tim Keller
THE FREEDOM OF SELF-FORGETFULNESS
Loneliness.
Grief.
Family tensions.
Painful memories.
Excessive responsibility.
We all know someone who feels down around the holidays. Maybe that person is you. We associate Christmas with joy, and we should. Still, the dark days of December and January become even darker for individuals who experience the holiday blues. Cling to the Savior, and don’t let the holiday blues steal your joy!
Unreasonable expectations.
We need Jesus.
She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet: “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means God with us). – Mt 1:21-23
Increased Sadness Around the Holidays
Most of us look to the holiday season thinking we’ve got to achieve a particular level of happiness and satisfaction, and it’s elusive. We set the bar so high that we can never realistically get there. But we still try to pursue it every year, and the pursuit often leads us to the blues. We need to take time out and focus on the birth of Jesus and the hope He brings to our present and future.
We live in a fallen world where the commercial aspect of Christmas becomes a distractor. We get so caught up in busyness that we skip past the spiritual disciplines of Christian life (i.e., worship, prayer, Bible reading and study, meditation). Instead, this is a time to be proactive and develop spiritual disciplines further:
- Memorizing scripture
- Working through a Bible study
- Completing an advent devotional
- Attending a service with carols and scripture
Sustaining with Spiritual Disciplines spiritual disciplines are sustaining and give rhythm to our lives. These disciplines are activities we do, not for the sake of doing, but for being with Jesus and like Jesus (Luke 4:17-21; Luke 5:16; Matt. 4:2; Matt. 26:30). When we practice these habits, the feelings typically follow in due time.
The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. – Psalm 37:23-24
But how do you do that when you’re struggling with feeling blue? The holiday blues are temporary feelings of anxiety or depression during the holiday season. Focus on the word “temporary” while being obedient to the Scriptures. Recall verses you have read, studied, and meditated on while shopping, tree trimming, attending events, and even setting the bar for expectations of a good holiday. A few of the many causes for feeling blue are:
- comparison
- fatigue
- fear of social connection
- tense and awkward family-related issues
- unrealistic expectations
- grief and loss
- financial issues
- seasonal affective disorder
Examine Your Expectations
Sometimes, people place excessive responsibilities on themselves, and when expectations are unmet, it affects their self-worth. Take time to examine your expectations: Are you expecting the impossible from yourself? How much happier would your life be if you approached this season with more realistic expectations? What about the expectations of others? The holiday season means we need help to avoid interaction with individuals with impossible expectations. Are you trying to please yourself, other people, or God?
The self-forgetful person would never be hurt particularly badly by criticism. It would not devastate them, it would not keep them up late, it would not bother them. Why? A person overwhelmed by criticism puts too much value on what other people think and on other people’s opinions. – Tim Keller
THE FREEDOM OF SELF-FORGETFULNESS
Random personalities, things, or events often trigger negative thoughts. Still, with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can take those thoughts captive. Instead of dwelling in the past, consider what new memories you can make. Give all your holiday expectations to God. Celebrate the holiday on the Lord, not on people or circumstances.
In my alarm, I said, “I am cut off from your sight!” Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help. – Psalm 31:22-24
Understanding the Difference: Holiday Blues vs. Clinical Depression – Seek Help if Sadness Lingers
Let me be clear that there is a profound difference between the holiday blues and clinical depression. If clinical depression is suspected, it is of utmost importance you seek help from a licensed medical professional. Depression can be as mild as mood-altering and serious as leaving an individual unable to complete daily self-care. Although there are different levels and severity of depression, there is no “one size fits all,” which leads to additional difficulties during the holidays. The individual who suffers from depression should seek to:
- recruit others to help in areas that might be overwhelming during the holidays
- give time to recharge and re-engage with large groups
- eat regularly and consume healthy meals
- practice good sleep hygiene for optimal rest
- exercise (outdoors if and when possible)
- volunteer or serve in the local church to take focus off self and onto others
If you struggle with your thoughts and feelings, you must do your best to pinpoint their signs, effects, and symptoms. We have complex emotions, and instead of facing them and acknowledging them, we often try to stuff them down. My advice here is to be in the Word, not stray from the rhythms of life, serve others, and seek appropriate help and support. If it’s just the help of a friend or family member, just let them know, “Hey, this is a challenging season for me. Will you check in with me and pray for me to be encouraged?”
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. – Romans 15:13
Focus on Jesus
As Christians, we should always dwell on what is accurate and true. Evaluate your thoughts about the holidays based on truth, not memories or wishful thinking. Remember what matters most: Jesus Christ is Immanuel (God with us). May your focus be on Jesus and not all the other hopes and expectations the world places on the holiday season.
True gospel humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself. The freedom of self-forgetfulness. The blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings. – Tim Keller
THE FREEDOM OF SELF-FORGETFULNESS
Debbie Swindell 