Biblical Growth and Change Series
Sometimes pride appears in the sentence that follows an apology.
“I’m sorry, but you need to understand why I responded that way.”
We may have acknowledged the wrong while still trying to justify it. We want forgiveness, but we also want the other person to agree that our response was understandable. Before we have finished confessing, we have begun building our defense.
Pride can be difficult to recognize because it often seems reasonable to us. We may see ourselves as explaining the situation or protecting our reputation. Yet beneath those explanations can be an unwillingness to admit fault without qualification. That unwillingness becomes a barrier to biblical growth because we resist the very correction God may be using to help us change.
Proverbs 16:18 warns, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Pride affects more than how we speak about ourselves. It shapes how we receive instruction, respond to disappointment, and treat the people around us. When we place confidence in our own understanding, we become less willing to consider where we may be wrong.
Pride does not always appear as obvious arrogance. It can show itself in our reluctance to ask for help or our insistence that things be done our way. Prayerlessness may reveal that we are moving through life as though our wisdom and strength are sufficient. People pleasing may expose a desire to preserve others’ approval even when doing so compromises obedience to God.
These patterns require careful examination. Not every fear, hesitation, or struggle has the same cause. But we need to be willing to ask whether protecting ourselves has become more important to us than honoring Christ.
As we have considered in earlier articles in this series, Psalm 139:23–24 gives us a prayer for honest examination before God. We return to it here because pride can hinder our willingness to see what needs to change:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!”
Psalm 139:23–24
With pride in view, this prayer calls us to consider whether we are willing to receive the correction we ask God to provide. We may ask Him to search our hearts, then defend ourselves when His Word exposes a sinful attitude. Humility receives that truth and takes responsibility for responding in obedience.
We can recognize another person’s fault while overlooking the same attitude in our own heart. We may condemn someone else’s impatience while excusing ours because we are tired. We may call another person controlling while describing our own demands as concern. We need God’s Word to help us see ourselves truthfully.
Consider what happens when a family member tells us that our words were hurtful. Pride may immediately begin reviewing the circumstances. We remember what the other person said first. We explain the pressure we were under. We look for a reason the criticism should not apply.
Humility allows us to slow down and consider the concern honestly. Even if the other person’s account is incomplete, there may be something we need to acknowledge. We can take responsibility for our sinful words without requiring the other person to confess first. Their conduct does not remove our responsibility before God.
Jesus addresses our tendency to examine others more readily than ourselves in Luke 6:41–42. He asks why we notice a speck in another person’s eye while failing to recognize the log in our own. His instruction does not forbid helping someone address sin. It requires us to deal honestly with our own sin so that we can help them with greater clarity and care.
This matters in the pursuit of change. We may spend considerable energy identifying what a spouse or friend needs to do differently while giving little attention to our own response. Their need for growth may be real, but it does not excuse our refusal to grow. We are responsible for the obedience God requires of us.
Pride also affects how we respond when life does not unfold as we hoped. We may begin to regard a preference as something we are owed. When it is denied, resentment grows. We question God’s goodness because His provision differs from our expectations.
Humility brings those desires honestly before Him while acknowledging His authority over our lives. We can grieve a disappointment and continue asking for what we desire. Yet we must examine whether our desire has become a demand that governs how we treat God and others.
Romans 12:3 calls believers to think about themselves with sober judgment rather than more highly than they ought. In the verses that follow, Paul describes believers as members of one body who have received differing gifts by grace. We need one another, and whatever ability we possess has been entrusted to us by God.
Remembering this helps us receive help without treating it as an insult. We do not have all the wisdom we need within ourselves. A trusted believer may see a pattern we have overlooked. A pastor or trained biblical counselor may help us examine an area in which our explanations have kept us from repentance.
Proverbs 11:2 says, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” Humility makes us teachable. We become willing to listen long enough to understand a concern and examine it in light of Scripture.
Receiving correction does not mean accepting every accusation as true. God’s Word remains the standard. But humility keeps us from dismissing counsel simply because it is uncomfortable or comes from someone we would not have chosen.
God has provided the church as a place where this kind of care can occur. James 5:16 instructs believers to confess their sins to one another and pray for one another. Honest confession allows trusted Christians to help us with the struggle we are actually facing.
There is a difference between saying, “I have been having a difficult week,” and saying, “I have been speaking harshly to my family, and I need help addressing it.” The first may describe our circumstances accurately. The second acknowledges our response and makes room for meaningful prayer and counsel.
Pride often keeps confession vague because we want help without being fully known. Yet the gospel gives us reason to be honest. Our acceptance before God rests on Christ’s righteousness rather than our ability to maintain a favorable impression. We can acknowledge sin because our Savior has provided its remedy.
Philippians 2:3–4 brings humility into our relationships: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
These commands call us to consider another person’s good. Humility does not require denying that we have needs or pretending that our concerns do not matter. It does require us to stop treating our own interests as the only ones that deserve attention.
This may mean listening without planning our defense. It may mean serving when no one notices or receiving another person’s good news without turning the conversation toward ourselves. In a disagreement, it may mean asking what would honor Christ and benefit the other person rather than concentrating on how to win.
Paul directs our attention to Jesus Christ as the supreme example of humility. The eternal Son took the form of a servant and became truly human. He “humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:8). He remained fully God while willingly humbling Himself to accomplish our salvation.
We follow the Savior who gave Himself for us. His humility exposes our self-centeredness, and His sacrifice provides forgiveness for it. We need more than admiration for His example. We need His grace to confess our pride and begin practicing a different response.
James 4:6 tells us, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” This is both a warning and an invitation. Pride is serious because it resists God’s rightful authority. Yet He gives grace to those who acknowledge their need and come before Him in repentance.
When pride becomes evident, we should name it honestly. We can confess our unwillingness to receive correction or our demand to have the final word. We can ask the Holy Spirit to help us put away that response and practice the obedience Scripture requires.
Then we need to act. An apology may need to be offered without a defense attached. A conversation may need to be revisited with a willingness to listen. We may need to ask a trusted believer, “Where do you see me resisting correction?” and receive the answer thoughtfully.
Growth in humility will require repeated repentance. We may discover pride in places we had not considered, including our desire to be recognized as humble. When that happens, we return to Christ. We do not overcome pride by becoming preoccupied with our failures, but by submitting to God’s truth and depending upon His grace.
Where might pride be standing in the way of your growth? Consider the correction you have dismissed or the sin you have explained without confessing. Bring it before the Lord and ask Him to help you respond faithfully.
We can face what God exposes because we belong to a Savior who forgives and changes His people. As we receive His correction and depend upon His Spirit, we learn to live with greater humility before Him and greater care for those around us.
Scripture quotations are from the ESV.